How to Adopt

In the past we typically placed children between the ages of 2-5. Although the number of those children we place each year still falls between 30 and 35, about a third are placed with kin, about a third are adopted by their foster families ‘ leaving about a third who come to the adoption workers without a plan for permanency already in place. And the average age range now tends to be 5 years and up.

Most commonly the largest risk factor for our children is the prenatal period. For some children their lack of prenatal care leads to developmental delays, for others their exposure to substances can lead to low birthweight and other complications.

One of the most common risk factors prenatally is drug and alcohol use by the birth mother. There are varying risks, depending on what substance was used and when in the pregnancy it was consumed. For many of the children we place, the risk is that we do not know what the long-term impact will be for the child.’ We may know that a child is functioning very well in their early years, for example, but we cannot guarantee that difficulties will not develop, when the child becomes of school-age and beyond, with respect to growth & development, learning or behaviour issues.

Although we try our best to obtain the most complete information from the birth mother ‘ the information may not always be truthful or accurate. The amount or frequency of alcohol consumption during pregnancy is not always a reliable indicator of the degree of brain damage that may occur. Consequently, minimal exposure to alcohol, for example, does necessarily mean minimal outcomes. By age 5 ‘ we may be starting to see the effects of drug or alcohol prenatal exposure but not necessarily the whole picture. An adoptive parent needs to be prepared to make a commitment without always knowing the eventual outcome.

Adoptive parents come to understand that with respect to trauma, most of our children have been exposed to trauma of some kind in the form of neglect or physical, sexual, or emotional abuse.’They may have been exposed to domestic violence.’ They may, as a result, suffer from additional fears, developmental delays, or have behaviour problems.’Low self-esteem is particularly common in older children and, as a result, they feel unworthy or unlovable. Many children suffer from the grief and loss associated with their journey towards permanency.

Some children have been in and out of foster care and/or may have been cared for by many different caregivers. This often impacts a child’s ability to trust that their adoptive parents will take care of them and meet their needs. The emotional bond that a child feels with their caregiver ‘ birth parent, foster’or adoptive parent is referred to as attachment. Forming a positive attachment may take longer for children who have not had a consistent caregiver or had one who could not keep them safe. These children will take longer to demonstrate and reciprocate affection and they may need to test the commitment and resolve of their adoptive parents.

Training/education in those areas such as trauma-focused parenting, attachment, grief and loss, as well as Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) will offered through our agency as well as through community resources including AdoptOntario and the Adoption Council of Ontario. There are webinars on adoption organized through AdoptOntario which we would encourage you to attend.

The purpose of openness is the continuation of a relationship that is beneficial and meaningful to the child. It is understood to involve a broad range of contact options.

There are formal and informal ways openness can be achieved. Openness does not always mean contact with the birth parents. It could be with the foster caregivers, birth siblings, or other family members such as grandparents. Contact can take the form of direct contact such as in face-to-face visits.’ It can also refer to indirect contact which would be letters, photos, email or Zoom exchanges. Sometimes this is organized in an Agreement and other times through a Court Order.